I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.