My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway