I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest