$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?