so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.