How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You can't just leave with hair like that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.