oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.