Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
