HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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