I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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