we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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