sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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