I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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