I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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