wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Too much gin, very little bucket
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
