Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
