So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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