piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
