So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
