He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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