My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize