her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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