I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
