yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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