Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
