i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
