I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
