Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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