There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
