i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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