I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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