True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions