Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.

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(602): View more from Arizona

you'll never guess what i found when i got home...

(928): View more from Arizona

a cake, in the toilet

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(816): View more from Missouri

at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?

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(614): View more from Ohio

So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(609): View more from New Jersey

did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.

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(409): View more from Texas

I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME

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(703): View more from Virginia

Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.

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