dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT