I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
