how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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