The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
