he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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