whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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