Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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