3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
