I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
