Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
