i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
