You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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