Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
vagina is talking i cant
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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