I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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