by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
