well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
