Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
please come you make the beer taste better
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
