I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
