Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
