i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
