i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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