He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
