i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
