Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
