yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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