Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I could make wine with my vomit
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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