can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i love accidental penises.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
