Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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