Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sacagawea was the original milf.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
