Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
