peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
