hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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