Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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