I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it glows. i had to have it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
