Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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