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I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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