break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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