Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
