I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
