This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize