i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
