it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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