aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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