remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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